remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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