you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
