I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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