Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
