Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
