The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
MIDGETS
????
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
