Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
did i walk over a car last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
