i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
