this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
