grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
