my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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