haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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