i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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