some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
