Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
