Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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