I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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