What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize
