Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
