That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
