i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
