i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just forgot I was standing up.
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