So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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