I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
