did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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