Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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