Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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