I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
