That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
