just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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