Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
