So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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