the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
