put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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