Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
