he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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