yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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