I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
