You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
