when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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