If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
