I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
