I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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