Whod you bang
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
