I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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