i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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