i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
