I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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