honey bunches of taint.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
