He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
