I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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