just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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