I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
