6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
