good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
