I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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