You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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