I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
