shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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