I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
