so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
