Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
