my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize