i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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