I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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