if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
