On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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