dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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