then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
